I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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