did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
