my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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