Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
