Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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