I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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