seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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