He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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