I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
