I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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