found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
