we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Randomize
