There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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