Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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