My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
