Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
