i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
