Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There's always time for handjobs
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
