Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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