I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
