I think I died a long time ago.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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