Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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