he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
