i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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