I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
