I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
