HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize