bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
