I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
