I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Randomize
