i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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