Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize