My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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