Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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