my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
