The maid of honor just puked.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
