Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
