I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
