Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
