So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
