Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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