You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
