Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
