Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize