So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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