I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
