I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
