Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
