i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
