I bet he comes in French.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
