He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
