I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
