I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
