In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
