I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
