I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize