can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
