I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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