I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
