So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
