Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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