I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
