38 yer olds are good kisserssss
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Welp...herpes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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