i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
