true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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