Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
