we have pet lesbian snakes
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
