Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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